It sounds obvious, but one of the simplest ways to improve our active listening is to focus less on what we want to say and more on what the other person is saying.

Here are a few strategies to help you with this simple-but-not-always-easy practice:

• Slow down the pace of your speaking a bit. Get comfortable extending the natural pauses after the other person speaks.
• Shift your goal in a conversation away from things like problem-solving, solution-seeking, defending an idea, or trying to be right toward more open goals – such as simply “holding space” for complexity or inviting a deeper exploration of the issue under discussion.
• Encourage the speaker to seek out their own deeper intuition or knowing about the issue. I often ask this paradoxical question of my clients in my practice as a Spiritual Director: “If you knew what to do here, what would that look like?”
• Ask questions that encourage deeper sharing on the part of the speaker, such as “What was that like for you?” “What was challenging, rewarding, interesting about that for you?”  – or simply “Tell me more!”

By softening our grip on our own agendas in conversations and asking more open-ended questions, we can offer another person a deeper, more meaningful experience of being heard.

The next time someone needs you to be a listening ear, consider trying one of these strategies – and let me know how it goes!

In love & care,

Jeannette Bessinger (she/her) – Rev J

Director of Spiritual Development