In a workshop I attended many years ago I was invited to write a letter to my former self. At the time it was a radical idea.  I had had my share of hardships in my short life and there had been many things that I had wished I would have done differently, but, I had moved on and overcome the choices of that younger self and couldn’t see what the point would be in revisiting that time in the form of a letter.

 

And yet I was willing to play along so followed the workshop leader’s direction as they lead us in a visualization prior to writing our letters. We were to imagine ourselves at a younger age during a time when we struggled with self doubt or judgment or when our actions had caused us harm. After we brought those imagines to mind the leader said, “now, look at that younger person and instead of seeing them as yourself, just imagine they are your own beloved child or someone whom you love dearly. What message do you have for them? ”

I was not a parent at that point but the suggestion that this young person I was visualizing was my own child brought tears to my eyes. My heart burst with empathy. Seeing myself from this third person perspective gave me just enough distance to realize that indeed I had done the best I could given the circumstances, that I deserved love and compassion and that the judgements I had about myself weretoo harsh. As I opened my heart to embrace that person I had been a new feeling of lightness began to surround me. It was then that I realized that although I had “moved on” from that younger self, the self judgement that I had continued to hold was weighing me down. The injury of that time had been left as an open wound.

At this point we were invited to write our letters. In an incredible stream of thought I let it all come out. I told that younger self that she had done the best she could and that it had been enough. I shared with her how beautiful she was and that she was loved. The words and tears poured forth. Each sentence of empathy I wrote acted as a magical stitch repairing a tear I didn’t know I had. Healing that tear was like finding a new friend.

To this day I return to this practice on a regular basis always finding places in my life in need of repair. I also use this practice in my other relationships as well. By visualizing those whom I may be in conflict with as a beloved opens my heart to empathy and a strong desire to repair any tears in the relationship. This is not always easy but the alternative hurts more.

Perhaps it is time for your own letter to your former self  to be written. Or maybe it is time to repair another relationship in your life. Whichever the case, I invite you to give it a try this month. Your heart will surely be grateful.