Taking ourselves too seriously is one of the great sorrows of our lives. Yes, intense, sad, unjust things are happening all the time, but the spirit loves to be lightened and humor is one of the greatest ways to do it. Studies show that humor heals and can sooth our stress – ask Dr. Patch Adams.

And indeed I happen to love listening to good comedians and a good joke can really set the tone for my day- especially if it pokes fun at our human follies. Below are some fun religiously inspired jokes, I hope you enjoy them! Be careful the first one is a little racy but hey I first heard it told by Buddhist teacher Tara Brach during one of her talks. Which brings us to an interesting note: I offer it as it was told although I was tempted to adjust some of the wording as to not offend anyone. This is a bigger conversation than this blog post can hold but while jokes can be funny and all in good humor I recognize that one person’s humor can feel like another’s harm. I hope you all find humor and joy in the laughter these bring – if you read to the end you’ll see the humor gets pointed at our own UU faith as well.

 

Enjoy!

Rev. Deborah

 

A woman went to her priest with a problem. “Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?’ ”

“That’s terrible!” exclaimed the priest. “But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?”

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed “Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!”

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
“Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”
During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”
At that moment, the substitute organist played the National Anthem …
… and that is how the substitute organist became the permanent organist!

 

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A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”
“Oh,” she paused, “Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.”
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”

 

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How many church people does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one.
Hands already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None.
They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten.
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None.
God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight.
One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five.
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Baptists: At least 10.
One to change the light bulb, a committee to approve the change. Oh, and also provide a casserole.

Lutherans: None.
Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Methodists: 10
One to change the bulb. Nine to attack the preacher, because someone’s grandmother gave that bulb to the church!!

Unitarian Universalists: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine.
You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about you personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.