Welcome to the Gift of Mystery

We live in a culture that loves to conquer mysteries. For us modern folks, the unexplainable is simply a lock to be picked, a code to be cracked, a puzzle to be figured out. But what if mystery isn’t just something to solve? What if it’s also something to be listened to?

This is the lesser recognized call of our faith. “Yes,” it says, “Stay skeptical, continue to question and seek answers. But at the same time, leave space for life to speak!” One of the most elegant articulations of this comes from the poet Mary Oliver. In her beloved poem, Wild Geese, she writes,

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—
over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

Oliver’s call to listen for life’s mysterious announcements implies a letting go. Mystery is funny this way. You can’t make it speak. Indeed, often the more you pursue the meaning of life’s mysteries; the more distant it becomes. If we want mystery to speak, it seems we have to be willing to put down the pursuit and open ourselves to being caught off guard. UU humanist minister and poet, David Breeden, captures this beautifully when he writes,

I dug and dug
Deeper into the earth
Looking for blue heaven
Choking always
On piles of dust rising
Then once
At midnight
I slipped
And fell into the sky

Slipping, and then falling into the sky. Is there a better way to describe our dance with mystery? Isn’t this what all the great mystics have been trying to tell us from the start? That sitting at the heart of mystery is not the unknown, but unity. We fall into the mysterious oneness of life and then it falls into us. Its voice whispers, “I am you and you are me.” Simply put, mystery doesn’t put up barriers; it dissolves them. Haven’t all of us faced the wonder and mystery of a sunset, the stars, a baby’s first cry or a lover’s wet kiss and thought to ourselves, “My God, who I am does not end at the barrier of my skin!”

And it’s not just words of connectedness, but comfort too. We find ourselves crushed by the weight of the world, so we take a walk in the woods, watch the waves kindly caress the shore, stare into the night sky or stumble on the smile of a stranger. And often, but not always, we hear the world gently sing, “It will be ok. In fact, it is all already ok!” UU minister, Angela Herrera, puts it this way,

You bring yourself before the sacred, before the holy,
before what is ultimate and bigger than your lone life…
You stand at the edge of mystery…
Meanwhile, the armful of worries you brought to the edge of mystery
have fluttered to your feet.

So friends, this month, let’s let mystery work its magic. Let’s allow ourselves to fall in and be opened up. Let’s slip into the sky and let it slip into us. Let’s set the sleuthing down, for just a moment, and simply listen.

We can’t wait to hear what the world whispers back.

Our Spiritual Exercises

It’s one thing to analyze a theme; it’s quite another to experience it. By pulling us out of the space of thinking and into the space of doing, these exercises invite us to figure out not just what we have to say about life, but also what life has to say to us!

Pick the exercise that speaks to you the most. Come to your group ready to share why you picked the exercise you did and what gift it gave you.

Option A

Return to Ordinary Moments of Luminosity

We’ve all experienced it: the mystery of an ordinary moment that suddenly lit up and reminded you of the marvel and preciousness of being alive. It moved you from a feeling of “the same old, same old” to a feeling of dancing with the sacred. Or maybe you heard a voice in your head saying, “This matters most!” and “Don’t forget this!” It added meaning to our lives and defined meaning at the same time.

With this in mind, spend some time this month reclaiming a handful of those mysteriously luminous moments. Here’s a video to help you on your way:

The Moment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNVPalNZD_I

As you watch it, allow it to take you back to similar ordinary but radiant moments from your life.

After watching it, you can keep it simple and just list some of those impactful memories that came to mind. Or you can take this exercise to the next level by identifying one luminous moment for each decade or life-stage of your life. Some may even find themselves wanting to write prose or poetry about one of those moments.

However you engage it, the goal is to reflect on how that special moment or moments mysteriously added meaning to your life and clarified what was meaningful at the same time.

Option B

Let Music Work Its Magic On You

There are few things that can wake us up to the mysterious marvel of life than music. So we put together this playlist of instrumental pieces that explore and help us tap into mystery:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3eGd0FBpglD8RXGyN7ML1F?si=2395e659efad4d62

Here’s your assignment: Engage life with this playlist playing in your ears!

More specifically:

• Find an outside space you appreciate and feel comfortable in. For instance, your favorite hiking trail, your back porch looking out over your flower garden or looking up at the night sky, or a coffee shop by the corner window that allows you to watch the hustle and bustle of the world.
• Play and listen to the entire playlist.
• While you listen, take note of what comes up for you.

The goal is to allow the space you are in to come alive, and in doing so, open a space within you. Music transports us, so let it transport you. Music illuminates the miracle of being alive, so see how it illuminates the world around you. Come to your group ready to share how music altered your seeing, and what you saw.

Option C
Draw Your Dreams

There are few things as mysterious as our dreams. Many consider them doorways into our unconscious, revealing our anxieties before we are even aware we have them. Creative types also find their dreams can help them get unstuck in a way their conscious mind couldn’t. Some even say their dreams gave them entire visions for what to create. For instance, John Lennon said he received an entire song from one of his dreams!

So, this month, play with this mystery a bit by drawing, painting or collaging one or two of your dreams!

We encourage you to do some dream journaling before you sit down to create. Here are a few links about dream journaling to help you out:

• https://thecreativeindependent.com/guides/how-to-start-and-keep-a-dream-journal/
• https://medium.com/dream-codes/how-to-journal-your-dreams-the-right-way-to-unlock-their-meaning-f278f6f87f85
• https://www.huffpost.com/entry/beginners-guide-to-lucid-dreaming_b_9516482
• https://www.cafeausoul.com/oracles/dream-dictionary

Additionally, here’s a great podcast featuring experts debating what purpose our dreams serve:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/53P9qg7F3KxLKT8bnY9Ri4?si=MvyQIVCpRfuM58ycYgZFmg.

Option D

Meditate on Mystery

Many of us have a regular meditation practice, a time we set aside to more intentionally center and open ourselves. So why not make mystery the focus of one or two of your meditations this month?!

Here are four pieces that would make rich focal points to meditate on:

• Life Is Absolutely Miraculous: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scDF8eIfoNs
• Inside It All, by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer: https://www.mindfulnessassociation.net/words-of-wonder/inside-it-all-by-rosemerry-wahtola-trommer/
• Primary Wonder, by Denise Levertov: https://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/L/LevertovDeni/PrimaryWonde/index.html
• The Miracle of Being: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1Iy2KfOVjA&t=96s

Option E

Which Mystery Quote Calls to You?

Sometimes we read a quote and it perfectly captures what’s going on for us right now. Or allows us to view our current circumstances in a new light. With this in mind, spend some time this month reading through the quotes in the Companion Pieces section below to find the one that best illuminates your journey with mystery.

 Your Question

 This list of questions is an aid for deep reflection. They are meant not so much to be answered as to take you somewhere. Read through the list 2-3 times until one question sticks out for you and captures your attention, or as some faith traditions say, until one of the questions “shimmers.”

 Then reflect on that question by asking yourself:

• What is going on in my life right now that makes this question so pronounced for me?
• How might my inner voice be trying to speak to me through it?
• How might Life or your inner voice be trying to offer me a word of comfort or challenge through this question?

 Writing out your thoughts often enables you to go deeper. It also sometimes helps to read the list of questions to a friend or loved one and ask them which question they think is the question you need to wrestle with.

 A note about self-care: Often these questions take us to a vulnerable space. It is OKAY to ignore the questions that may be triggering – or lean in if that feels safe.

  As you’ve grown older, has life seemed to have more or less mystery in it?

1. What was the first mystery to capture your imagination? How does that still shape you today?
2. What has been your most successful means of encountering or staying open to mystery?
3. What’s the most unprovable thing you’ve placed your faith in?
4. Have you ever heard silence speak?
5. Has mysterious “meaningful coincidence” (synchronicity) ever pointed you in the direction you needed to go, right when you were not sure of your way?
6. Mystics describe their mysterious experiences using phrases like, “my soul turned into a tree,” “I slipped and fell into the sky” and “I became a transparent eyeball.” Do any of these descriptions resonate with you? Have you had a mysterious or mystical experience that would help explain these phrases to others?
7. Do you spend more time treating life like a problem to be solved, a game to be won, a struggle to be survived or a mystery to be lived?
8. What’s one thing you could do this month to more deeply encounter mystery?
9. If there was one mystery you could have answered/solved before you die, what would it be?
10. Rev. Angela Herrera says that when we “stand at the edge of mystery, at the edge of the deep,” the armful of ordinary worries we carry, “flutters to our feet.” Has mystery ever done this for you?
11. What has allowed you and your life partner to still view each other as the wonderful and intoxicating mysteries you were when you first met?
12. What’s your question? Your question may not be listed above. As always, if the above questions don’t include what life is asking from you, spend the month listening to your days to find it.

Companion Pieces

 Recommended Resources for Personal Exploration & Reflection

 The following resources are not required reading. We will not analyze these pieces in our group.

Instead they are here to companion you on your journey this month, get you thinking

and open you up to new ways of imagining the gift of mystery.

Word Roots & Definitions

The roots of mystery point to the idea of a secret, hidden truth that renders us speechless. It comes from the Greek root muo – literally translated as “shut the mouth” or “to be rendered silent or dumbfounded” and is also the root for our English word “mute.

Wise Words

Life is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be had.
Alan Watts

Let mystery have its place in you… leave a little fallow corner in your heart ready for any seed the winds
may bring, and reserve a nook of shadow for the passing bird; keep a place in your heart for the
unexpected guests, an altar for an unknown God.
Henri-Frederic Ariel

Knowledge is a priceless gift. But the illusion of knowledge can be more dangerous than ignorance. Thinking that you know your lover or your enemy can be more treacherous than acknowledging you’ll never know them. Every morning in Japan, as the sun is flooding into our little apartment, I take great pains not to consult the weather forecast, because if I do, my mind will be overclouded, distracted, even when the day is bright… In the end, perhaps, being human is much more important than being fully in the know.
Pico Iyer

I witness a beauty in the form or coloring of the clouds which addresses itself to my imagination… You tell me it is a mass of vapor which absorbs all other rays and reflects the red, but that is nothing, for this red vision excites me, stirs my blood, makes my thoughts flow… If there is not something mystical in your explanation, something unexplainable to the understanding, some elements of mystery, it is quite insufficient.
Henry David Thoreau

I have a friend who speaks of knowledge as an island in a sea of mystery. Let this then, be the ground of my faith: All that we know, now and forever, all scientific knowledge that we have of this world, or ever will have, is as an island in the sea. Still the mystery surrounds us.
Chet Raymo

Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.
Let me keep company always with those who say
“Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.
Mary Oliver

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
Oscar Wilde

Beneath the masks, beneath the names…
is a thrumming, ecstatic atomic swirl, unseen and omnipresent, inescapable and holy…
How is it I sometimes see only woman, man, cottonwood, spider, self, other…
Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

I like to think of mysticism as the art of meeting reality, the art of richer and deeper awareness… It is not the intellectual conviction that Being itself is my being, but rather an ineffable experience of that Oneness, flooding in to overwhelm our illusion of aloneness, separateness.
Jacob Trapp

Every one of us is a mystic, because we have this experience of belonging, once in a while, out of the blue… But what we call the great mystics, they let this experience determine and shape every moment of their lives. They never forgot it. And we humans, the rest of us, tend to forget it.
David Steindl-Rast

Sometimes, when a bird cries out,
Or the wind sweeps through a tree,
Or a dog howls in a far-off farm,
I hold still and listen a long time.
My soul turns and goes back to the place
Where, a thousand forgotten years ago,
The bird and the blowing wind
Were like me, were my brothers and sisters.
My soul turns into a tree…
Herman Hesse

I believe God is everything … My first step from the old white man was trees. Then air. Then birds. Then other people. But one day when I was sitting quiet and feeling like a motherless child, which I was, it come to me: that feeling of being part of everything not separate at all. I knew that if I cut a tree, my arm would bleed.
Alice Walker

In the woods . . . standing on the bare ground—my head bathed by the blithe air and uplifted into infinite space—all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eyeball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or parcel of God.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.
Rachel Carson

You bring yourself before the sacred,
before the holy,
before what is ultimate and bigger than your lone life…
You stand at the edge of mystery,
at the edge of the deep…
Meanwhile, the armful of worries you brought to the edge of mystery
have fluttered to your feet…
Rev. Angela Herrera

In a true encounter with another human being, we come face to face with the mystery of life. In some way, every other person, no matter how well we know them, will remain as mysterious to us as a country across the ocean we only read about in books… In every interaction, whether it is with a stranger or our longtime partner, we can be surprised by what we have not yet seen or even imagined.
David Rynick

To be able to marvel at the face of our neighbor with the same awe we have for the mountain top, the sunlight refracting. This manner of vision is what will keep us from destroying each other.
Cole Arthur Riley

The great mystery is not that we should have been thrown down here at random between the profusion of matter and that of the stars; it is that from our very prisons we should draw, from our own selves, images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.
Andre Malraux

The final mystery is oneself.
Oscar Wilde

I said, “I had this feeling maybe I had been called.” “And you may have been right.” he said, “But not to what you thought. Not to what you think. You have been given questions to which you cannot be given answers. You will have to live them out—perhaps a little at a time.”
“And how long is that going to take?”
“I don’t know. As long as you live, perhaps.”
Wendell Berry

Music

Two different playlists for each of our monthly themes: one in Spotify and another in YouTube. They are organized as a journey of sorts, so consider listening from beginning to end and using the playlists as musical meditations.

Click here for the Spotify playlist on mystery.

Click here for all Spotify playlists.

Click here for the YouTube playlist on mystery.

Click here for all the YouTube playlists.

New this month! Our instrumental playlist on mystery. On Spotify HERE. On YouTube HERE.

Videos & Podcasts

On the Miraculous Mystery  of Who We Are
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7GwjpOkXFyU

Reawakening to the Miracle & Mystery of Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scDF8eIfoNs

The Mystery and Miracle of Everyday Moments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNVPalNZD_I

Mystery in the Smaller Parts of Our World

• Neurons connecting
• Eyeball seeing
• Hearts beating
• Water creatures “bioluminescing”
• Pond creatures dancing

Art Made in the Gap of Mystery and Not-Knowing

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdxfBpZlRcE
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTUVfGDEAqE

On The Fact that How AI Works is a Mystery

• https://open.spotify.com/episode/7onym0eP8yEkUATJyYz58G?si=RavQ1OS3SqWBN_6jEHINVQ
• https://open.spotify.com/episode/3npjXNCtUSGRUjVR4EYb4Y?si=qT-HZWkyTHy_WzfZ10LNAg

Articles

Majestic Trees

This Finnish photographer helps us see the “ordinary” trees around us as the ethereal creatures they really are!

Intellectual humility: Why it’s so hard to see our own ignorance, and what to do about it.

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/1/4/17989224/intellectual-humility-explained-psychology-replication

Books

When God is Gone Everything is Holy

 Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age

Movies

The Velvet Queen

Silence

 Boyhood

 Arrival

 Psychedelia

December 2024
Welcome to the Practice of Presence

The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. ~ Henry Miller

Spiritually, presence can mean two quite different things. On the one hand, contemplatives talk of “being present.” Presence from this perspective is all about awareness and remembering to “live in the moment.” On the other hand, theologians tend to come at presence from the perspective of a hidden and divine “otherness.” Their concern is not just that we pay attention to the present moment, but that we notice a transcendent Presence woven through all moments.

This month, we refuse to take sides. Attentiveness or otherness? Who says we have to choose? After all, isn’t it true that, more often than not, they dance together more than they compete? Haven’t we all felt that when we are fully present, the most powerful presences emerge? Pay attention to your child and slowly (and mysteriously) a confidence and unique self reveals itself. Pay attention to the flow of your breathing or the flow of the ocean and something bigger than yourself enters the scene. Look for a long time at a single tree or flower and eventually it presents itself to you as a world in and unto itself.

The underlying message here is that the world is shot through with unnoticed gifts and grace. It’s a message perfectly fit for this holiday month that so often celebrates presents over presence. In the face of commercials and billboards that tell us our lives will finally be complete if we stuff them with a few more shiny objects or plastic gadgets, our spiritual traditions come along and remind us that our lives are already whole, and home. Their message: The greatest gift of the holidays is noticing the many gifts that have been sitting there all along.

So, friends, how will you engage this dance? What powerful and meaningful presence is waiting for you to be present to it? What gift is waiting and wanting to emerge? What will your awareness bring into being this month?

Our Spiritual Exercises

It’s one thing to analyze a theme; it’s quite another to experience it. By pulling us out of the space of thinking and into the space of doing, these exercises invite us to figure out not just what we have to say about life, but also what life has to say to us!

Pick the exercise that speaks to you the most. Come to your group ready to share why you picked the exercise you did, where it surprised you and what gift it gave you.

Option A

Be Present with the Day You Just Had
(The Practice of One Sentence Diaries)

Our days can easily drift by us, and sometimes steamroll us. Either way, we lose hold of them, and they lose hold of us. Holding on and being present to our days is what diary writing has long been about. But complex and extensive diary entries are a hard commitment to keep. That’s why  one-sentence diaries are so helpful. They enable us to be present with our days in a manageable and sustainable way.

So give this practice of one-sentence diaries a try, either by testing it out for a month or by using this month to begin a long-term commitment to the process. Learn a bit more about it here. Get some tips about how to approach it here and here. Wondering what exactly to write? Here and here are a bunch of great prompts. And what about the diary itself? Well, we recommend this simple and thoughtfully-designed “five-year” one. You could also use an online diary or make your own.

Come to your group ready to share not only how doing one sentence a day was meaningful, but also why you were drawn to it in the first place. Enjoy holding on to your days!

Option B
Five Objects; Fifteen Parts

Consider the tulip…
Consider the six red petals,
the yellow at the center,
the soft green rubber of the stem,
how it bows to the world. How,
the longer we sit beside it,
the more we bow to it…
~ Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

There is a hiddenness to things. Only when we are completely present to them do they offer their full presence to us. As the poet Jane Hirshfield puts it, “Only when I am quiet for a long time, and do not speak, do the objects of my life draw near.” And when they do draw near, they unfold their details by the dozens. Like Trommer, we no longer see this single thing called a tulip, but instead notice its almost innumerable and revelatory parts. Look at my red petals, my yellow center. Notice the way my color is the same shade that was your mother’s favorite. See how my steadfastness or my strength is what you long for or once had. The list (and unfolding) goes on and on.

With this in mind, take on the challenge this month of offering your presence and attention to five different objects or creatures. Sit quietly with each, long enough for them to reveal at least fifteen meaningful aspects of themselves to you. As you notice each object’s details, capture them on a list, similar to what Trommer did for her tulip. Why fifteen details? Well, the first five details will likely come from simply looking. The remaining ten will require you fully being there.

And keep in mind that picking your five objects is as significant a part of this exercise as the lists of what you notice about them. Will you pick a tulip too? Or choose a snowdrop instead? When was the last time you looked, really looked, at your spouse or your child? In the cold of winter, the logs in your living room fireplace or your favorite tea cup and kettle might be calling to you. The whole point of this is to figure out what in your life has been waiting to reveal itself to you. And why it wants – or maybe needs – you to notice the fullness of what it is.

Option C
The Absence that Feels Most Present

There’s something about winter and the holidays within it that invite back into our awareness the presence of those we have loved and lost. So many things become doorways through which these beloveds return. An old ornament. A Christmas carol. The lights of the menorah or a simple candle flickering in a window. The smell of their favorite pie. Wrapping paper and the memory of how much they loved matching it with the gift inside. Or just everyone laughing and you noticing the absence of theirs.

So whose absence feels most present to you during the holiday season? And, maybe more important, what can you do this month to honor them and feel their presence more deeply? With those questions in mind, consider engaging one – or more – of the below activities to make a doorway through which your loved one might feel more present to you:

• Pick an object that brings your loved one’s presence to mind and place it somewhere that will keep it and your loved one in your awareness. Then, at some point in the month, spend some time with this poem and let it help you figure out what message from your loved one might be contained in the object you choose.
• Spend a quiet morning or evening going through old photos of your loved one or just calling memories of them to mind. And then once you are immersed in memory, figure out what you would want to say to them if they were still alive. Consider writing your thoughts in a journal or notebook so you can hold on to them. You might also want to keep that notebook handy because you will likely think of more things you wish you could say to them as the month goes on.
• Wear or use something of theirs for the month. Maybe a piece of their jewelry, one of their hats or scarves, their watch, their favorite pen or quilt.
• Prepare their favorite meal and tell stories about why it was their favorite to those you eat it with.
• Pick a night and, by yourself, go out into a natural environment where you can be all alone. Then in that space of solitude, read aloud one of their favorite poems or play out loud one of their favorite pieces of music as if you were saying it or playing it to them. When done, stay in the stillness and quiet for at least 5 minutes, and open yourself to what comes.

Option D
Devote a Day to Ichigo ichie

(The practice of being present to impermanence)

The Japanese concept of Ichigo ichie translates into “one time, one meeting” and invites us to engage the moments of our lives with an awareness that it will never be experienced again in the exact same way. It is not a simplistic call to live every moment as if it were your last, but instead encourages us to bring a more reverent, attentive and intimate presence to the people and experiences in front of us.

This exercise invites you to you engage Ichigo ichie in two ways:

• First, read through this article and identify 3-4 sentences or ideas that stand out to you or “shimmer for you,” to use our language of spiritual discernment. Then set aside reflective/meditative time to figure out how your inner wisdom might be using those sentences/ideas to offer you reconnection with a memory, a message of comfort or a message of challenge.
• Second, spend one day in which you find at least five moments to say to yourself, “I will never experience this again.” It will help to repeat the phrase twice. Then come to your group ready to share how that altered your day as you went through it, and maybe how it altered your experience of the day after.

Option E
Meditate with Alan Watts

The British philosopher, eclectic mystic and unrelenting advocate for living with presence, Alan Watts, was a key voice in the countercultural moment of the 1960’s and now, well after his death, has become influential again due to the embrace of those who define themselves as spiritual but not religious. His call to live with greater presence can be found in the many books he wrote, but for today, maybe the best way to allow his words to speak to you is through the creative videos below.

So for your spiritual exercise this month, weave these two videos into your reflective practice. As you listen (and watch), do so with our Soul Matters discernment questions: “How is my inner wisdom/voice trying to speak to me through these videos?” and/or “How are they trying to reconnect me with a memory or offer me a message of comfort or challenge?”

• Live Now: Being tricked by the ladder of reaching
• In the Presence of The Unspeakable World

Option F
Which Presence Companion Piece Speaks to You?

Sometimes we come across a quote, song, article or movie and it perfectly captures what’s going on for us right now or allows us to view our current circumstances in a new light. With this in mind, spend some time this month going through the Companion Pieces section below to find the one piece that speaks most powerfully to you.

Go through them with an eye for the one that “shimmers” the most.

Come to your group ready to share the piece you picked, why it called to you and the journey it took you on.

Your Question

 This list of questions is an aid for deep reflection. How you answer them is often less important than the journey they take you on. So, read through the list of questions 2-3 times until one question sticks out for you and captures your attention, or as some faith traditions say, until one of the questions “shimmers.”

 Then reflect on that question using one or all of these questions:

• What is going on in my life right now that makes this question so pronounced for me?
• How might my inner voice be trying to speak to me through it?
• How might Life or my inner voice be trying to offer me a word of comfort or challenge through this question?

1. What did you learn from your family of origin about stillness and being present?
2. How has age altered the way you are present in the world?
3. Do you remember the first time you felt completely comfortable in someone’s presence? So comfortable that words seemed unnecessary, and the stillness felt like a second home?
4. What do you know now about being in the present moment that you didn’t know when you were younger?
5. Do you ever feel like you want to learn how to be present to the days that are left?
6. Do reminders about the brevity of our lives and calls to “live every day as if it were your last” help or get in the way of you being present to the preciousness of your days?
7. Has the absence of a loved one ever felt as powerful as their presence was?
8. How do others most often feel in your presence? Loved? Accepted? Heard? Held? Judged? Unimportant? Understood? And how do you want others to feel in your presence?
9. How do regularly practice remaining present to the injustice and suffering of others? How do you intentionally let it touch you, even as our culture tells you, in a thousand tricky ways, that it’s ok to ignore it and shut it out?
10. Do you long to be more comfortable with solitude and with being in the presence of just yourself?
11. Are your efforts to ensure future security costing you the richness of your current days?
12. Would you be more present to your life if you weren’t trying to perfect it or win at it?
13. Whose absence feels most present to you during the holiday season? If you could say something to them, what would it be?
14. What if winter is a time of being present to the need to withdraw from the world and enter into a time of healing hibernation? How might honoring this alter the way you approach the holiday season?
15. Do you remember ever sitting back in the dim evening light and saying to yourself, “Wow. I just got to be present for a perfect day”?
16. What’s your question? Your question may not be listed above. As always, if the above questions don’t include what life is asking from you, spend the month listening to your days to find it.

Companion Pieces
Recommended Resources for Personal Exploration & Reflection
The following resources are not required reading. Nor are they intended to be analyzed in your group.
Instead they are here to companion you on your personal journey this month, get you thinking
and open you up to new ways of embodying the practice of presence in your life.

Wise Words

At the end of the day: do others feel loved in your presence? This is the spiritual bottom line.
Masin Kipp

Presence is removing judgment, walls and masks so as to create a true and deep connection with people or experiences.
Amy Cuddy

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that your presence and absence both mean something to someone.
Anonymous

Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.
Alan Watts

Abundance is not the money you have in your bank account, the trophies on your shelf, the letters after your name, the list of goals reached… Abundance is your connection to each breath, how sensitive you are to every flicker of sensation and emotion in the body. It is the delight with which you savor each unique moment, the joy with which you greet each new day… It is the freshness of each morning unencumbered by memory or false hope… It is your rootedness in the present moment, knowing that you are always Home, no matter what happens… It is you, before every sunrise: fresh, open, and awake. You are rich, friend! You are rich! Jeff Foster

Starting here, what do you want to remember?…
Are you waiting for time to show you some better thoughts? …What can anyone give you greater than now, starting here, right in this room, when you turn around? William Stafford

You could ask what would be a good use of my life, thinking the answer is going to be a career choice or something, but I would say the most important thing is using your life to train in being present—in being here with an open heart. Synchronizing your mind with your body—having them be in the same place at the same time with a brave, honest, but also gentle attitude towards yourself and towards what you see. Pema Chödrön

Most of us have spent our lives caught up in plans, expectations, ambitions for the future; in regrets, guilt or shame about the past. To come into the present is to stop the war. Jack Kornfield

Nothing in the past is as powerful as what we choose to do in the present moment. Louise Hay

In an age of speed, I began to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still. Pico Iyer

The Persian poet Kabir wrote: “I laugh when I hear that the fish in the sea is thirsty.” Are you thirsty for the divine? The sacred? The clear light of awakening? All around you, the world is wet with it. Daniel Shkolnik

We cannot attain the presence of God because we’re already totally in the presence of God.  What’s absent is awareness.
Richard Rohr

The most characteristic element of Christmas is what we call the Christmas spirit, its joy, its reassessment of life as good. This persistent presence is difficult to explain, but none question it. Unknown

There must be in every [person’s] life some place for the singing of angels, some place for that which… throws all the rest of life into a new and creative relatedness… The commonplace is shot through with new glory; old burdens become lighter, deep and ancient wounds lose much of their old, old hurting. Howard Thurman

There’s something about the holidays that invites the presence of lost loved ones into our awareness. So many things become doorways through which these beloveds return. An old ornament. A Christmas carol. The lights of the menorah or a simple candle flickering in a window. The smell of their favorite pie. Wrapping paper and the memory of how much they loved matching it with the gift. Or just everyone laughing and you noticing the absence of theirs. So many doorways. But only if we keep an eye out will they step through. Scott Tayler

Sometimes, the emptiness left by a loved one’s absence is more powerful than their presence ever was.Simon Van Booy

I didn’t know I would be
the kind of woman
who talks to the dead,
who narrates the day,
who believes they hear me
after midnight when I whisper
I miss you…
How strangely wondrous
life can be after a loss.
I feel their presence in the listening,
feel how the listening wraps
its tender arms around me,
feel how gently the listening
leans in to cradle my face
with silence.
Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

Few skills are more essential than the ability to settle your body… When your body settles, it relaxes into its own experience in the present moment. It accepts whatever is happening, including any pain that you may need to acknowledge and metabolize.
Resmaa Menakem

Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.
Thich Nhat Hanh

If I were much wiser, and much more patient, and had much greater concentration, I could sit in silence in my chair, look out my windows at a green tree and the blue sky, and know that breathing is a gift; that a breath is sufficient for the moment; and that breathing air is breathing God.
Andre Dubus

Beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them. The least we can do is try to be there.
Annie Dillard

I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’
Kurt Vonnegut

Music

Click here for our Spotify playlist on Presence.

Click here for the YouTube playlist on Presence.

Remember! Our playlists are organized as a journey, so consider listening from beginning to end and using the playlists as musical meditations.

 Movies

Perfect Days

Patterson

Won’t You Be My Neighbor

The Little Prince

Videos & Podcasts

On The Beauty of Stillness & Being Present to the Suffering of the World
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkHypImEY84&t=2s

In the Presence of The Unspeakable World
https://www.instagram.com/_logamotion/reel/C3vcZo9vEM1/

Stopping the Noise & Being Present to Our Lives
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEabO53wzws

It’s Not Your Fault You Can’t Pay Attention
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/11/opinion/ezra-klein-podcast-johann-hari.html

On Winter as a time of making space for the presence of grief

• The Resonance of Grief https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3urhLzuS7A
• Grief as a Portal (begins at minute 3:00) https://pod.link/1684164706/episode/6146141e355badda417b35f33aa43f9a

On Solitude & Being in the Presence of Yourself https://vimeo.com/3850863

On the Possible Presence of the Soul https://www.facebook.com/reel/422253477530306

What’s Left – Kerry Hardie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IheNAIGAiFk
On being present to the time that remains

Bridges – Ani DiFranco & Utah Phillips
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHcQ0XkiGU8
On how sometimes being fully in the present requires us honoring how the past remains.

Still
https://aeon.co/videos/a-zen-buddhist-priest-voices-the-deep-matters-he-usually-ponders-in-silence
On the thoughts of a Buddhist priest while he ponders in the presence of silence

Heart Valley: A Shepherd’s Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNl7qmKIEAs
On the thoughts of a Welsh shepherd while he ponders in the presence of “his” valley

For Use in Your Meditation Practice

• Joining George Clooney in the Present Moment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HwIZ3pMTLc
• A Call To Presence https://insighttimer.com/ruthking/guided-meditations/a-call-to-presence
• Plotting Practice https://sebeneselassie.substack.com/p/plotting-practice-pattern-plotting

Articles

Equanimity: A Practice for our Times https://ruthking.net/equanimity/
On how to remain grounded in presence even in the midst of aggression and extremes.

The Gift of Presence, The Perils of Advice
https://onbeing.org/blog/the-gift-of-presence-the-perils-of-advice/

Dementia: Teacher of Presence
https://livingthepresentmoment.com/dementia-teacher-presence/

Is Mental Time Travel Good For Us?
https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/is-mental-time-travel-good-for-us
On ditching the present moment and spending some time in the past and future!

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© 2024-25 Soul Matters ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Packets are for use only by member congregations of the Soul Matters Sharing Circle.

Learn how to join at  https://www.soulmatterssharingcircle.com

November 2024

Welcome to the Practice of Repair

When the cracks come, who doesn’t desire – even demand – to restore what once was?

Nothing is more human. We all long to reverse the damage. We all hold tight to the humpty dumpty hope that everything can be put back together again.

But, as our faith teaches us, transition and change dictate the flow of life. The current of time is just too strong for us to swim back.

And so the repair offered us is not that of returning our lives to their original state but working with what remains to make something new. The shards are not pieces of a puzzle waiting to be put perfectly back together, but building blocks waiting to be molded into a yet to be imagined form.

All of which means that there is freedom in the breaking. The cracks, if we can widen our view, become conduits for creativity. That’s not to minimize the pain involved. And it’s certainly not a way of justifying tragedy as “part of God’s plan.” Rather, it’s a call for us to perceive the broken pieces of our lives as more than just a pile of ruined rubble. “Look closer!” whispers the wisdom within. “That ash, if worked with, can give birth to a Phoenix.”

So, what piles of rubble in your life need revisited? What longings for what was do you need to let go of, so a new story can begin?

And how might you break open even further? Because that’s part of this too, isn’t it? “Your broken pieces are more than rubble” is not the only counterintuitive thing that life wants us to learn about the practice of repair. It also says to us (even though we can barely stand to hear it): “Crack wider!”

As difficult as it is to absorb, it seems we were made to be broken, broken open. Remember what the Canadian sage said, “Cracks are how the light gets in.”

Broken hearts hurt, but they also let in and allow us to connect with the pain of others. Protected hearts may seem safe, but our armor only ends up being a straitjacket. It’s one of the most important but paradoxical spiritual truths there is: Broken people end up bigger people. Because of the cracks in our heart, it becomes capable of expanding. Because we’ve been torn, who we are no longer ends at the barrier of our own skin

It seems this is what it really means to be repaired and made whole.

Our Spiritual Exercises
It’s one thing to analyze a theme; it’s quite another to experience it. By pulling us out of the space of thinking and into the space of doing, these exercises invite us to figure out not just what we have to say about life, but also what life has to say to us!

Pick the exercise that speaks to you the most. Come to your group ready to share why you picked the exercise you did, where it surprised you and what gift it gave you.

Option A
An Overdue Letter to Your Body
(Or A Bunch of Highlights for the Sake of our Bodies)

When we think about repairing relationships, our relationships with other people naturally come to mind. But what regularly gets overlooked is the work of repairing our relationship with our body. This exercise invites us to begin that important and overdue work. And to help us, we turn to a writing exercise used by the clinical psychologist and author Hillary McBride. On her blog, Dr. McBride shares a letter she wrote to her body. She used it as a vehicle to better understand and heal her relationship with her body. Here is the link to that letter:

Dear Body, I’m Sorry, I love you

Here’s your assignment: Use Dr. McBride’s letter as a guide to creating your own. Be sure to notice that her letter has two distinct parts. The first half is a bunch of “I’m sorry for…” statements. The second half contains “I love you for…” statements. Both parts or steps are important and key to the work of repairing our relationship with our bodies.

Alternative approach: Not all of us are writers, so another way to engage this exercise is to read through Dr. McBride’s letter multiple times with a highlighter in hand. As you read her words, identify and highlight those that speak to you and echo your own feelings about your body.

Option B
Repaired For the Sake of Love

One of the most prevalent ways repair shows up in our lives is in the varied and creative ways we repair a treasured object so that we don’t have to part with them. With thread, paint, tape, screws, super glue and even solder, we keep bringing our worn-out, beloved objects back to life. It might be a shirt, dress, jacket, blanket, pair of shoes, childhood doll, watch, old lounge chair, or old tool. But while the objects may differ from one of us to the other, the motivation is the same; we repair them for the sake of love. Or to be more specific, we repair them because holding on to them helps us hold on to a beloved memory, insight or person.

With this in mind, here’s your assignment:
● Set aside some contemplative time this month to remember as many of these repeatedly repaired objects that have touched your life.
● Also, spend some time revisiting what they helped you hold on to.
● Then, narrow things down and focus on just one of these repaired objects using these questions: “Which one wants my attention?” “Which one has meaning (or a message) for my life today?”
● Come to your group ready to talk about what it felt like to do this exercise, what holding on to the singled-out object helped you hold on to, and why that singled-out object has meaning or a message for your life today.

Option C
The Messages that Left a Mark

One of the biggest reasons we have to repair ourselves is because of harmful cultural messages we are burdened with, in our childhood but also throughout our lives. Each generation has them: well-accepted sayings that reflect societal norms that form – and deform – us in ways that are hard to shake. For example, here are a bunch you might recognize: “Boys don’t cry.” “Boys will be boys” “No pain. No gain.” “Man up.” “You run like a girl.” “You can’t wear your heart on your sleeve.” “Work hard. Play Hard.” “Children are meant to be seen not heard.” “Women should be seen and not heard.” “Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.” “America is a melting pot.” ”Trust in God’s plan.” “Know your place.” “They are here to steal our jobs.”

Just reading through that list is likely triggering for many of us. Which is expected. After all, behind these sayings and others like them lies regret, shame, sadness, anger, betrayal, harm done to you, harm you did to others. So, if you pick this exercise, go gently and do what you need to care for yourself.

Here your assignment:

● Set aside your contemplative time this month to think of the one or two outdated and harmful cultural messages that left a mark on you and twisted your experience in some way.
● Also spend some time identifying how you resisted it or blunted its impact/influence on you.
● Then come to your group ready to tell the story of how you overcame (or are overcoming) that harmful cultural message.

Option D
When You Knew You Were Healing

Often we hunger for healing but don’t know what it will take to make our way there. The goal is elusive. The path is unclear. This exercise invites us to plot our way toward healing in the present by remembering what repaired and healed us in the past. And to guide us, we turn to a list created by Dr. Nicole Lepera as she did her own healing work. She writes,

I knew I was healing when:
● I started responding rather than reacting
● I enjoyed time alone
● I saw my parents as people with their own unresolved trauma
● I set boundaries and when people didn’t respect them, I knew they were clearing space for those who did
● I was ok with being misunderstood

The basic idea is that by teasing out exactly what it took for healing in our past, we are empowered to better identify what we need for healing today.

So for this month’s exercise, take a morning (or a week) to think about your own past healing journeys and come up with multiple ways to complete the sentence, “I knew I was healing when…”

The 2nd Part: After coming up with a number of ways to complete the sentence about past healing, your mind will likely start naturally drifting toward a new sentence: “I will know I am beginning to heal when…” As the second part of this exercise, turn your attention to completing that sentence. It will be harder than completing the sentence about the past, but your work with the past should break open some insight about today’s healing work and guideposts.

Come to your group ready to share what surprised you about the exercise and the insight you gained from it.

Option E
Try a Meditation Technique

This exercise is for those of us who DON’T meditate. (Of course, you expert meditators are welcome too.) In short, meditation techniques help countless people repair every day. But for many of us, it just never felt like “our thing.” But why not give it another try?! That’s what this exercise is all about. And to help you give meditation another try, we’ve assembled a handful of different kinds of meditation techniques for you to try out. We suggest you take a week and try out one each day, but feel free to sample them in any way that feels comfortable. If you find one that resonates with you, spend the remaining time this month researching and trying it with different leaders. Here’s our suggested list (click on the hyperlinked titles to access them):

● Centering Meditation
● Mindfulness Meditation
● Loving Kindness Meditation
● Shaking and Dancing Expressive Meditation (watch this introduction first)

● Five Senses Meditation
● Bee Breath/Humming Meditation
● Vagus Nerve Reset: HERE & HERE
● Box Breathing
● Meditation for Sleep: HERE & HERE

Option F
Ask Them About Repair

One of the best ways to explore our monthly themes is to have conversations about them with people who are close to you. It’s also a great way to deepen our relationships! Below is a list of questions to help you on your way. Be sure to let your conversation partner know in advance that this won’t be a typical conversation. Telling them a bit about Soul Matters will help set the stage. Remember to also answer the questions yourself as they are meant to support a conversation, not just a time of quizzing them.

Repair Questions:
● What wound has been with you the longest?
● What joyful, courageous or healing childhood memory repairs you over and over again?
● Have you ever experienced a time when your body was wiser than your brain?
● Tell me a story about someone who repaired you by reconnecting you to pleasure and/or play? If you were to thank them, what would you say?
● If you could have repaired one of your parent’s wounds, which would it be?
● Have you ever lied about or swallowed your grief because others were uncomfortable or unwilling to make room for it? What would you say or do now that you weren’t safe to say or do at that time?
● Who first repaired you by not trying to fix you?
● Tell me a story about being healed by a place.

Option G
Which Companion Piece Speaks to You?

Sometimes we come across a quote, song, article or movie and it perfectly captures what’s going on for us right now or allows us to view our current circumstances in a new light. With this in mind, spend some time this month going through the Companion Pieces section below to find the one piece that speaks most powerfully to you.

As you do so, we encourage you to use the same discernment practice as we do with the packet’s list of questions: Go through them with an eye for the one that “shimmers” the most.

Your Question

This list of questions is an aid for deep reflection. How you answer them is often less important than the journey they take you on.

So, read through the list of questions 2-3 times until one question sticks out for you and captures your attention, or as some faith traditions say, until one of the questions “shimmers.”

Then reflect on that question using one or all of these questions:
● What is going on in my life right now that makes this question so pronounced for me?
● How might my inner voice be trying to speak to me through it?
● How might Life or my inner voice be trying to offer me a word of comfort or challenge through this question?

1. Who first repaired you by not trying to fix you?
2. If you could have repaired one of your parent’s wounds, which would it be?
3. What loss is still waiting for you to grieve it fully?
4. How would your life change if you committed to giving yourself a dose of joy once-a-week?
5. Is your body telling you it is no longer interested in hiding the pain? Or the fear?
6. Think back to a time when someone repaired you by reconnecting you to pleasure and/or play. If you were to thank them, what would you say?
7. How might your efforts to repair a social ill or injustice be trying to repair you?
8. What joyful, courageous or healing childhood memories repair you over and over again? Are any of them trying to speak to you today?
9. What is your relationship with self-inflicted wounds?
10. Have you been running on empty for so long that you no longer notice?
11. Are some things better left broken? Does everything need to be repaired?
12. Have you ever lied about or swallowed your grief because others were uncomfortable or unwilling to make room for it? What would you say or do now that you weren’t safe to say or do at that time?
13. Is there anything in your life that is longing to be fixed rather than thrown away?
14. Are you pretending that an old injury hasn’t left a mark on you?
15. Nature repairs us. What part of the healing earth is calling you to come back?
16. Are you sure it’s not ok to trust them with your pain?
17. What’s your question? Your question may not be listed above. As always, if the above questions don’t include what life is asking from you, spend the month listening to your days to find it.
Companion Pieces
Recommended Resources for Personal Exploration & Reflection

The following resources are not required reading. Nor are they intended to be analyzed in your group.
Instead they are here to companion you on your personal journey this month, get you thinking
and open you up to new ways of embodying the practice of repair in your life.

Word Roots & Definitions

Repair comes from old French, in which “Re” means back and “parare” means to make ready, which means repair can be a way of making ourselves or parts of our lives ready for what comes next.

Others also point out that the French verb repairer is used today in a narrow context, referring to animals burrowing or going to their dens, which suggests the idea of “returning to one’s home or shelter.”

Wise Words

Then it hits me. Maybe we’re the pieces. Maybe that’s it. With what you were talking about before, Tikkun olam. The world being broken. Maybe it isn’t that we’re supposed to find the pieces and put them back together. Maybe we’re the pieces. Maybe, what we’re supposed to do is come together. That’s how we stop the breaking.
Rachel Cohn and David Levithan

If there happens to be a multitude of griefs upon you, individual and collective, or small and large, add equal parts of these considerations: that perhaps love can only be as large as grief demands. that grief is the growing up of the heart that bursts boundaries like an old skin or a finished life. that grief is gratitude. that water seeks scale, that even your tears seek the recognition of community. that the heart is a front line, and the fight is to feel in a world of distraction.
adrienne maree brown

She taught me it is enough to sit
with someone who is grieving—
to sit and listen with your whole body
as if eyes could hear as well as ears,
as if a person’s silence is as essential as her words.
Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

Have you ever noticed how beautiful a person is after they’ve wept? It’s as if they are made new again by the baptism of tears. Indeed, when something stuck can be released through grief, we are freeing up a greater capacity to love.
Toko-pa Turner

If I could sum up all my years of clinical training and research in one statement, it would be this: We heal when we can be with what we feel.
Hillary L. McBride

violence is not special pain is not holy suffering… abuse defines no one you are more than the things that hurt you you are more than the people you have hurt do not make an altar to your woundedness do not make a fetish out of mine… tell me about the joy you keep in the hollow spaces between your bones tell me again how you laughed when you realized that you were not wholly unlovable… i will sing you a litany of reasons to be alive i want to know the songs you wake up for in the morning…beneath the skin of every history of trauma there is a love poem waiting deep below
Kai Cheng Thom

the places in our heart
where the world took bites out of us
may never fully heal
and will likely become
wide open spaces
be careful to not fill them
with just anything or anyone.
John Roedel

Let us not rush to the language of healing, before understanding the fullness of the injury and the depth of the wound.
Dr. Yolanda Pierce

The times are urgent; let us slow down.
Bayo Akomolafe

I find that I meet activists on a regular basis who will tell me, I’m so tired. I think that sometimes we’re working so much because we know that if we slow down, then we’ll have to look at how heartbroken we are about the conditions that we’re in.
adrienne maree brown

This is what I know: the demonization and erasure of grief are really strategic tools of oppressive powers. After all, if you are reduced to positivity―if you are less capable of sensing pain and injustice―whom does that benefit? There are people and systems that have everything to gain from our numbness.
Cole Arthur Riley

Think about the word destroy. Do you know what it is? De-story. Destroy. Destory. You see. And restore. That’s re-story. Do you know that only two things have been proven to help survivors of the Holocaust? Massage is one. Telling their story is another. Being touched and touching. Telling your story is touching. It sets you free.
Francesca Lia Block

When others mess up, we blame their character. When we mess up, we blame the context. No relationship gets mended until we grant others the same grace we grant ourselves. Until we widen our view and notice that there are circumstances wounding us both, the painful gap between us will never heal.
Rev. Scott Tayler

If you see what needs to be repaired and how to repair it, then you have found a piece of the world that God has left for you to complete. But if you only see what is wrong and what is ugly in the world, then it is you yourself that needs repair.
Lubavitcher Rebbe

Character is determined by how we repair it.
Carson Anekeya

It’s not forgetting that heals. It’s remembering.
Amy Greene

What I’ve learned is that we do it bit by bit. If everybody does a little bit, we can make the world better… I believe in that. Every day, little by little.
Kyoko Morgan

Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not “How can we hide our wounds?” so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but “How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?”
Henri J. M. Nouwen

When the reverberations of shock subside in you,
may grace come to restore you to balance.
May it shape a new space in your heart
to embrace this illness as a teacher
who has come to open your life to new worlds.
May you find in yourself a courageous hospitality
towards what is difficult, painful and unknown.
John O’Donohue

Videos & Podcasts

Nick Cave on Loss, Yearning & Transcendence
https://onbeing.org/programs/nick-cave-loss-yearning-transcendence/

Be Kind (On small acts of repair that mean so much!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eKoOoOTvgk&t=16s

These Three Natural Things Can Repair You…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXPLbcsDOJQ

The Museum of Broken Relationships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMNdTZhQ1TU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6Q731asMtg

How Trauma Lodges in the Body
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnKxZqObIWk
Related Video HERE
Related book HERE

A New Approach to Reparations
https://airtable.com/appFzjQs5ggMjoeBU/shrs2E8EnuEMRHIbp/tbl1yqljjggKmMWne
Repair & Needlework

On how mending and stitching the clothes outside us repairs what is torn inside us.

Visible Mending
https://psyche.co/films/a-whimsical-ode-to-the-reparative-power-of-knitting-rendered-in-wool
Two more needleworkers and knitters testify to creativity’s power to help us repair and heal.

Stitching Our Wounds, Andrea Gibson
https://www.tiktok.com/@andreagibsonpoetry/video/7242840039527386414

The Nutritionist (aka The Madness Vase)
Andrea Gibson
https://www.tiktok.com/@buttonpoetry/video/7312585097776123182
Find the text HERE
trigger warning: mentions depression and suicide

Articles

A Slower Urgency
https://www.bayoakomolafe.net/post/a-slower-urgency
“In ‘hurrying up’ all the time, we often lose sight of the abundance of resources that might help us meet today’s most challenging crises…”

Grief is Healing in Motion
https://toko-pa.com/2019/07/24/grief-is-healing-in-motion/

“Grief plays an essential role in our coming undone from previous attachments. It is the necessary current we need to carry us into our next becoming…”

The Sounds of Grief
https://mariandrew.substack.com/p/the-sounds-of-grief
Might repairing from grief be more about the sounds of grief than the famous five stages?

Want to Fix Your Mind? Let Your Body Talk
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/18/magazine/somatic-therapy.html

Books

My Grandmother’s Hands
What It Takes to Heal
On Repentance and Repair
My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry
Maps of Our Spectacular Bodies

Movies & TV

When They See Us (Netflix)
Origins (Hulu)
Severance (Apple TV)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Amazon)
Captain Fantastic (HBO)
Descending the Mountain (Vimeo)

Music
Click here for our Spotify playlist on Repair.
Click here for the YouTube playlist on Repair.

Remember! Our playlists are organized as a journey, so consider listening from beginning to end and using the playlists as musical meditations.

© 2024-25 Soul Matters ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Packets are for use only by member congregations of the Soul Matters Sharing Circle.
Learn how to join at https://www.soulmatterssharingcircle.com

October 2024
Welcome to the Practice of Deep Listening

This is your chance to listen carefully.
Your whole life might depend on what you hear.
– Joyce Sutphen

Listening helps us find our way. The listening of therapists allows us to navigate our way through life. We turn to prayer to hear God’s guidance. We listen to experts so we can get ahead. Like a flashlight that leads us through the darkness, listening helps us stay on course.

And yet maybe there’s more to it than that. What if listening doesn’t just guide us through the world, but also creates our world.

Just think about why you listen to those close to you. Is it really just to gather information? To hear the other clearly? Or is it because you’ve discovered in those rare moments of deep listening that a space suddenly opens up between and around the two of you? A space that is radically different than the space you inhabited a few minutes prior. A space that feels sacred. A space that, once you’ve experienced it, you never want to leave.

This is why the flashlight way of understanding listening is so limited and limiting. Listening’s value isn’t just instrumental. It doesn’t just help us collect and clarify information. It’s not just a tool.

It’s a place!

That sacred space of being deeply listened to isn’t just calling us home; it is home. We don’t have conversations; we are our conversations. Listening literally constructs the world we live in. And whom we become.

Consider that old story about the cricket and the coins. Two people are walking down a busy city street. Everyone is rushing to and from their work, trying to get ahead. One of the friends turns to the other and says, “Do you hear that? It’s a cricket!” The other friend responds with skepticism, but after focusing his attention finally hears it. “Wow,” he says, “How did you hear that cricket with all the noise around us?” His friend responds, “It’s all about how I was raised, about what I was taught to listen for.” He goes on, “Here, I’ll show you something.” The friend then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of coins – nickels, quarters, dimes – and he drops them on the sidewalk. Everyone who was rushing by stops… to listen.

One wonders if this is why the poet says, “Listen carefully. Your whole life might depend on what you hear.”

Again friends, we must remember this: We don’t have conversations, we are our conversations. Who and what we listen to is who and what we become.

May this month, and our time together in our groups, help us take one more step toward listening our way home.

Our Spiritual Exercises

It’s one thing to analyze a theme; it’s quite another to experience it. By pulling us out of the space of thinking and into the space of doing, these exercises invite us to figure out not just what we have to say about life, but also what life has to say to us!

Pick the exercise that speaks to you the most. Come to your group ready to share why you picked the exercise you did and what gift it gave you.

Option A

Lectio Divina and Listening for a Text to Speak

This year our monthly themes are framed as practices, as a way of inviting us to think more deeply about our historic UU commitment to “deeds, not creeds.” With that in mind, this exercise invites you to try out a deep listening practice developed by our Christian siblings. It’s called Lectio Divina, which translates to “divine reading.” You can learn more about it here, here and  here.

The basic idea is to deeply listen to a text by reading it multiple times through a different reflective lens each time. You can also think of it as bringing different discernment questions to the text, with each question inviting you to listen to the text in a new way. It’s all about bringing greater intentionality to a text so that it “speaks” to you, or so that your inner voice can speak to you through the text.

Here’s our suggested instructions, which honor the traditional approach but add a few Soul Matters twists:

• Start by picking a text. Poems are usually best, so pick a favorite poem you want to revisit. You can also choose from THIS LIST OF POETRY that we’ve put together.
• Center yourself. Sit quietly for a couple of minutes. Or do some deep breathing.
• For the first reading, read it aloud and simply focus on the feelings it evokes. During and after reading, ask yourself: What is the dominant feeling I am experiencing? Which part of the poem evoked the strongest emotional response? What happened in your body as you read the text?
• For the second reading, focus on which phrase or line “pops out” at you or “shimmers” as you read it. Then reflect afterward on that phrase or line, asking: Why is this line hooking me? What is my inner voice trying to say to me through it? How is my inner wisdom trying to get me to look at or wrestle with something through this line/phrase?
• For the third reading, focus on what memories Before, during and after you read, hold in your mind questions such as “What memories are being stirred?” or “What memory does this poem want to reconnect me with?” Afterward, reflect on the question of, “What does this memory want me to do with it?” or “What does this memory of the past want to say to me about my present?”
• For the fourth and final reading, ask yourself, “How is my inner voice and deepest self trying to offer me a message of comfort or challenge through this poem?”
• If you are up for another reading or want to swap one of the above out, consider using this question to guide you: “Who am I in the text? Which character, object or action represents me and where I’m at right now?”

Option B

The Metaphor of What Speaks to You

Listening to your inner voice is obviously about trying to hear a message. But the often less obvious (but just as crucial) part is deciding what metaphor to use to describe that inner voice. Or to put it another way, how we envision our inner voice significantly shapes what we hear.

For instance, if we think of our inner voice as “our soul speaking,” we will listen quite differently than if we think of it as “our heart speaking.” Likewise, we will surely hear something different from “the still, small voice within,” than from “the ache buried deep inside me” or “my creative muse.”

So, to honor this part of the practice of deep listening, spend some time this month reflecting on the metaphors you’ve used to understand and relate to your inner voice. Here are the three ways we suggest you go about it. As you reflect, consider writing down the names/metaphors as you reflect. Or maybe even draw a representation of them as you go!

• Explore your current name for it: What metaphor is dominant for you now. Why and how did that come to be? Do you notice anything new as you retrace the story of how this came to be “your metaphor”? Do you notice a gift this metaphor gave you that you didn’t notice before?
• Explore your past names: Trace all the metaphors you’ve used over your entire lifetime. Start with your childhood; maybe “God” is what spoke to you then. Move into your youth, when maybe it morphed into “my conscience.” Then later maybe it became “the devil on my shoulder.” And now maybe it has become “that still small voice within.” After you are done, step back and reflect on the narrative arc of all these metaphors. What do the twists and turns of their disappearance and emergence say about you and the story of your life? How did each of them serve you well at the time? What about them didn’t serve you well? What did they help you hear? What did they not allow you to hear?
• Explore other and possibly new names: Write down as many names/metaphors as you can think of. This is all about the metaphors that you’ve heard others use, i.e., you may never have used “the angel and devil on my shoulders” or “Jiminy Cricket” or “the Holy Spirit,” but you know others have. After you are done listing as many as you can, sit back and soak the list in. Meditate on them until a couple stand out. Ask yourself why they speak to you. Then add your own imagined metaphors, ones nobody has ever used, but ones you are now inspired to “try on.” Ones that you think will help you hear what you need to hear; ones that might make you into the listener you need to be in your life right now. Let your creativity loose as you come up with the names. For instance, “my mama bear within,” “the wild horse inside that wants loose,” “my untamed self,” “The child that went inward to stay safe,” “the rebel I keep hidden inside,” “The river within.”

Option C

Listen to a Labyrinth

One of the most ancient deep listening tools is the labyrinth, a maze-like structure on the ground used for introspective walking meditations. For this exercise, spend some time this month learning about them, finding one(or creating one) and walking it.

To help you on your way, you can get background on the spiritual practice of labyrinths here and here, as well as some how-to guidance here and here. Labyrinths are quite popular so it should be easy to find one at a park, university or church near you. If you can’t find one, you can try this wonderfully creative at-home stone version

or try a finger labyrinth using a simple printable finger labyrinth found here or here. If you are feeling adventurous, you could also make one in your backyard using spray paint or mulch or leaves, build one in the sand if you are near a beach, or create one in your home out of candles.

When it’s time for you to walk the labyrinth, we suggest that you bring to mind a question, worry or problem

as you enter the labyrinth and reflect on it as you wind your way to the middle. When you arrive at the center, remain there for a while and listen for an insight or answer to the question you brought with you. Once you feel that you’ve listened enough, walk back focusing on how you might integrate the experience or the message from the center into your living and loving.

Option D

Practice the Art of Listening

We practice to become good musicians. We practice to become good athletes. We practice to become good artists. But somehow we’ve been led to believe that we don’t have to practice to become good listeners. So let’s spend the month focusing on and practicing just one listening skill. Yes, spend the month! After all, it’s not really practicing if you only do it a few times. So keep your chosen listening skill/tactic in your back pocket and look for opportunities to use it.  And if you are looking for motivation to stick with it, just remind yourself of the words of pastor and minister David Augsburger, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.” Knowing that we are getting better at loving, not just listening, will surely make the practicing worth every minute.

Oh, “What listening skill might I choose?” you ask. Well, we’ve found a few that seem manageable, impactful and most needed. Here you go:

• Stop Interrupting by taking a breath and/or looking them in the eye or using the 80-20 rule
• “Go on.” & “Tell me more.” (i.e. “Empty the bucket”)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpnNsSyDw-g&t=47s  (found minute 1:20-2:05)

• “Will you tell me your story?” and “I’d love to know how you came to this point of view.”

https://urbanconfessional.org/blog/howtodisagree

Option E

Which Deep Listening Companion Piece Speaks to You?

Sometimes we come across a quote, song, article or movie and it perfectly captures what’s going on for us right now or allows us to view our current circumstances in a new light.

With this in mind, spend some time this month going through the Companion Pieces section below to find the one piece that speaks most powerfully to you.

As you do so, we encourage you to use the same discernment practice as we do with the packet’s list of questions: Go through them with an eye for the one that “shimmers” the most.

Come to your group ready to share the piece you picked, why it called to you and the journey it took you on.

Option F

Ask Them About Deep Listening

One of the best ways to explore our monthly themes is to have conversations about them with people who are close to you. It’s also a great way to deepen our relationships! Below is a list of questions to help you on your way. Be sure to let your conversation partner know in advance that this won’t be a typical conversation. Telling them a bit about Soul Matters will help set the stage. Remember to also answer the questions yourself as they are meant to support a conversation, not just a time of quizzing them.

Come to your group ready to share what surprised you about the conversation(s) and what gift or insight it gave you. As always, keep a lookout for how your inner voice is trying to send you a message of comfort or challenge through these conversions with others.

Deep Listening Questions:

• On a scale of 1-10, how good of a listener are you? Tell me a story to help me understand why you named the number that you did.
• What type of people do you have the hardest time listening to?
• Thinking back to your childhood, what did you learn about listening by watching your parents interact with each other?
• Have you ever heard the ocean or the woods or the sky speak?
• If you could go back to a conversation and correct how you listened, what conversation would that be?
• Do you believe that our bodies carry a wisdom that our minds don’t? If so, tell me about a time when the wisdom of your body “saved” you or helped you avoid a mess. Was there ever a time that you regret not listening to your body?
• If I were to put my ear down to the ground of your life, what questions would I hear bubbling beneath the surface?
• How have your wounds and losses altered the way you listen?
• How good are you at listening compassionately to yourself?

Your Question

 This list of questions is an aid for deep reflection. How you answer them is often less important than the journey they take you on.

 So, read through the list of questions 2-3 times until one question sticks out for you and captures your attention, or as some faith traditions say, until one of the questions “shimmers.”

 Then reflect on that question using one or all of these questions:

• What is going on in my life right now that makes this question so pronounced for me?
• How might my inner voice be trying to speak to me through it?
• How might Life or my inner voice be trying to offer me a word of comfort or challenge through this question?

1. Thinking back to your childhood, what did you learn about listening by watching your parents interact with each other?
2. Have you ever heard the ocean or the woods or the sky speak? If so, how might their words still be relevant for you today?
3. If you could go back to a conversation and correct how you listened, what conversation would that be?
4. Have you checked in with your longings lately? What might they be asking of you?
5. If I were to put my ear down to the ground of your life, what questions would I hear bubbling beneath the surface?
6. How have your wounds and losses altered the way you listen?
7. What if prayer is really about listening until you hear a voice that says “You are beloved”?
8. If you asked Love “Where do you need me to direct my attention?”, how might it answer you back?
9. What would the world sound like to you without the noise of worry in your head?
10. What noise gets in your way the most: The noise of self-doubt? Striving? Scarcity? Jealousy? Regret? Something else?
11. How good are you at listening compassionately to yourself?
12. There are those who say that listening to the wisdom of the unprotected, marginalized and silenced is the only way that the path to justice becomes clear. What is one step you could take this month to hear those voices?
13. Has being listened to ever felt like being loved?
14. What’s your question? Your question may not be listed above. As always, if the above questions don’t include what life is asking from you, spend the month listening to your days to find it.

Companion Pieces

Recommended Resources for Personal Exploration & Reflection

 The following resources are not required reading. Nor are they intended to be analyzed in your group.

Instead they are here to companion you on your personal journey this month, get you thinking

and open you up to new ways of embodying the practice of deep listening in your life.

 Word Roots & Notes

Listen comes from the old English,  hlysnan, meaning both “attend to” and “obey.”

“Silent” and “listen” are anagrams. They have all the same letters in a different order!

 Wise Words

The first duty of love is to listen.
Paul Tillich

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.
David Augsburger

When someone deeply listens to you it is like holding out a dented cup you’ve had since childhood and watching it fill up with
cold, fresh water. When it balances on top of the brim, you are understood. When it overflows and touches your skin, you are loved.
John Fox

Our listening creates sanctuary for the homeless parts within the other person.
Rachel Naomi Remen

To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.
Henri Nouwen

Questions that have no right to go away are those that have to do with the person we are about to become; they are conversations that will happen with or without our conscious participation.

David Whyte

Sainthood emerges when you can listen to someone’s tale of woe and not respond with a description of your own.
Andrew V. Mason

One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted her to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves.  Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely.
Rachel Naomi Remen

Interrupting sends a variety of messages. It says:
“I’m more important than you are.”
“What I have to say is more interesting, accurate or relevant.”..
“This isn’t a conversation, it’s a contest, and I’m going to win.”
Dianne Schilling

There is something in every one of you that waits; so listen for the sound of the genuine in yourself. And if you cannot hear it, you will never find whatever it is for which you’re searching. And if you hear it, and then do not follow it, it was better that you had never been born… you will, all of your life, spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.
Howard Thurman

We have, at least a lot of us have, awesome instincts. If we listen hard enough to our own hearts, we notice when the whispers become fervent little screams: “That! That! That’s what I want more of. That’s what I crave to understand. That’s the kind of person/mountain/book I want to be near. That’s the way I want to feel.
Courtney E. Martin

First, learn to listen.
Not only for enemies around
corners in hidden places,
but for the faint footsteps
of hope and the whisper of resistance.
Rev. Sean Parker Dennison

If one really wishes to know how justice is administered in a country, one does not question the policemen, the lawyers, the judges, or the protected members of the middle class. One goes to the unprotected—those, precisely, who need the law’s protection most!—and listens to their testimony. Ask any Mexican, any Puerto Rican, any black man, any poor person—ask the wretched how they fare in the halls of justice, and then you will know, not whether or not the country is just, but whether or not it has any love for justice, or any concept of it.
James Baldwin

Now if you listen closely
I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The human race is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
‘Cause nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Maya Angelou

My friend, Agape, says it like this: “Hear the Biography, not the ideology”… When you find yourself in disagreement, just ask one question: “Will you tell me your story?  I’d love to know how you came to this point of view.”
Benjamin Mathes

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers…
If what a tree or a branch does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.
David Wagoner

The real “work” of prayer is to become silent and listen to the voice that says good things about me,…
and calls [me] beloved… To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being.
Henri Nouwen

The silence of the morning includes you.
The wildflowers in the pasture welcome your looking…
The noise of the city is not mindless but pleading.
Hear the world calling to you,
neither an emperor nor a beggar
but a lover, a spouse, calling you to come home.
Steve Garnaas-Holmes

Places sing calling songs.  Just now, they might be missing their people. We might learn that by allowing ourselves to miss them… In our bone-deep missing, and in our willingness to remember ourselves as worthy of being missed, we could begin to hear [their] songs.
Adam Wilson

Our bodies are telling the stories we have avoided or forgotten how to hear – and sometimes our inability to feel our feelings (the messages that precede the alarm bells) means that our bodies have to scream in order to get some attention.
Hillary L. McBride

I sometimes wake in the early morning & listen to the soft breathing of my children & I think to myself; this is one thing I will never regret & I carry that quiet with me all day long.
Brian Andreas

Speak as if God is listening. Listen as if God is speaking. Speak as if Spirit is speaking through you. Listen as if Spirit is listening through you.
Alexandra Bell, on Quaker Practice

Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.

Parker Palmer

Music

Click here for our Spotify playlist on Deep Listening

Click here for the YouTube playlist on Deep Listening

Remember! Our theme-based playlists are organized as a journey, so consider listening from beginning to end and using the playlists as musical meditations.

Videos & Podcasts

Everything is Alive https://www.everythingisalive.com/

If we listen deeply and imaginatively enough, we discover that everything is alive and speaking to us, even that soda can on the shelf or that bar of soap sitting by the sink!

We suggest starting with this episode and if it hooks you, move on the this one and this one.

The Story Of John Cage’s ‘4’33”

On listening to the music of  silence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bGU9NTJlIo

More HERE ; One performance of it HERE

Weightless by Marconi Union
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfcAVejslrU&t=344s

A song designed to slow a listener’s heart rate, reduce blood pressure and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. One set of neuroscientists have named it the most relaxing and stress-relieving song on earth.

Sanctuaries of Silence – a listening journey
https://vimeo.com/268526502

The Power of Walking and 17-Year Vow of Silence
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4PMfoAK2Ek

Adam Grant on How to Debate Someone With Opposing Views
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onwCTtU1Vyc

Dancing and Listening to Grains of Rice

The instructions for this art piece as well as this one were simply “listen to the rice and listen to your partner.” Watching them create it can’t help but help you listen to yourself!

Articles

Want to Fix Your Mind? Let Your Body Talk.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/18/magazine/somatic-therapy.html

“Listen” Deeply to a Painting

The New York Times challenges you to test your deep listening skills by spending 10 minutes with one painting?

Relatedly, check out the “slow looking art movement.”

How to speak to a hostile crowd

https://www.planetcritical.com/p/even-the-millionaires-are-fed-up

On the so-called “radicals” making it possible for the so-called “moderates” to be heard.

On Listening to What’s Beneath Our Anger

https://www.michaelswerdloff.com/anger-secondary-emotion-what-protecting/

Books

You’re Not Listening

A Rhythm of Prayer

Movies

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (Hulu)

White Right: Meeting the Enemy (Kanopy)

Zone of Interest (Hulu)

Harriet (Netflix)

More Inspiration on the Monthly Theme…

on our Facebook Inspiration Page:  https://www.facebook.com/soulmatterssharingcircle/

on our Instagram Page:
“soul_matters_circle”

 © 2024-25 Soul Matters ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Packets are for use only by member congregations of the Soul Matters Sharing Circle.

Learn how to join at  https://www.soulmatterssharingcircle.com

September’s Theme

Welcome to the Practice of Invitation

 Do not try to save the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create a clearing
in the dense forest of your life
and wait there patiently,
until the song that is your life falls
into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself to this world
so worthy of rescue.
-Clearing by Martha Postlewaite

 There is so much saving needed in this world of ours. Especially in this moment. Which is why this call for clearings and cupped hands seems so odd and out of place. Doesn’t this dear poet understand the urgency of the moment? Doesn’t she understand that we need to be lifting up our voices as loudly as we can, not carving out space for quiet? Doesn’t she understand that we need engaged hands not cupped hands, with all of us pushing as hard as we can against the tide and madly mending a world that is about to be torn in two?

Well, yes, she certainly could be clueless. But it’s also clear that she thinks we are the wrong-headed ones. Hers is an invitation to see that our urgent, muscular mode of saving is just not what the world needs.

And of course she is correct. In our better and clearer moments, we know the world needs us to be grounded and centered before rushing into battle. We need those cupped hands to catch our breath before we cover them with boxing gloves and engage the fight.

We also know that creating clearings is never a waste of time. The dense forest homes we so carefully cultivate keep us safe and comfortable, but they also make it hard to see the horizon and the newly rising sun. Clearings let that new light in and in turn help us notice when we are applying old ways of being and thinking to a world that isn’t here anymore.

Ah, that seems right. A good place to leave it. With us thanking the poet for her invitation to better understand what the world needs.

But there’s that pesky piece about the world handing our song back to us. That complicates things. It means this isn’t just an invitation to see what the world needs, but also an invitation to notice that the world sees us in need and is trying to give us a gift; an invitation to notice that the world is also an actor in this precious play, not just an object we are acting upon; an invitation to notice that while we are focused on saving the world, the world is also focused on saving us.

Or to put it another way, maybe the world is trying to love us. And we are being invited to let it.

Maybe that is what this talk of cupped hands is all about.

And if so, what a way to begin this new church year! And maybe even what a way to travel through our lives all the time! With cupped hands, remembering and open to receiving the love of the world.

Our Spiritual Exercises

It’s one thing to analyze a theme; it’s quite another to experience it. By pulling us out of the space of thinking and into the space of doing, these exercises invite us to figure out not just what we have to say about life, but also what life has to say to us!

Pick the exercise that speaks to you the most. Come to your group ready to share why you picked the exercise you did and what gift it gave you.

Option A

The Invitation that Isn’t Easy For Us

You likely saw this one coming. When the monthly theme is invitation, inviting someone to come to church seems an obvious exercise. What may not be obvious is the additional invitation to share with your invitee how church makes a difference in your life. This is where all of us understandably struggle. Sharing why church matters to us can feel uncomfortably close to the pushy proselytizing we want nothing to do with. But sharing how your church has given you a gift is quite different than trying to convince someone that your religion is the only right way. It’s one thing to tell a friend: “I’m worried about your soul and really want you to give your life to Jesus.” It’s quite another to tell them: “Hey, you mentioned that you’re feeling a hunger for community lately and I found that at my church, so I was wondering if you want to come with me to check it out.” One is about inviting; the other is about convincing.

Navigating your way through these complex and uncomfortable waters is what this exercise is all about. It’s not just about inviting someone to church; it’s about digging deeper into why that’s not just something you naturally and always do. It’s not just about fighting through the discomfort of telling someone why you love your church and why they may love it too; it’s about figuring out why that discomfort is there in the first place. And it’s not just about figuring all this out; it’s about finally feeling joy as you make this invitation to your friend.

Option B

The Invitation of a Story

Sometimes the best invitations are those made by a story. Here’s one about a hunter and the mythical “fox woman.”

As you listen to it, use our disciplined listening practice: i.e., ask yourself as you listen, “How is this story trying to offer me a message of comfort, a message of challenge, or reconnection with an important memory?”

A more focused question to listen with might be: “What have I lost through my decisions to disinvite the difficult?” or “Where am I being invited to embrace and invite in the full experience of something – the parts that are easy and beautiful as well as the parts that ‘stink’?”

 Here’s the story: The Hunter and the Fox Woman – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn2DB11yL5A

Option C

An Invitation to Proclaim (Your UU “Alter Call”)

Growing up Southern Baptist, there was an invitation that was part of every worship service, a central part in fact.  The altar call, an invitation to proclaim one’s belief in Jesus as one’s savior. Unitarian Universalists have a similar practice. (By the way, I love finding similarities between UUs and Baptists!) Core to our faith is a proclamation of beliefs, not of a single specific belief as was my Baptist background, but a proclamation of the beliefs that one has found to be true, one’s own creed, or credo statement as we like to call it. This is, in fact, the primary thing that drew me to Unitarian Universalism in the first place, the fact that we are not only welcome to but are invited to find and name our own beliefs and that no one is telling us what they should be.     – Rev. Michelle Collins

What a great invitation to begin the new church year with: an invitation to anchor ourselves in a clear articulation of our core beliefs! To make it easier, and possibly more enriching, we’ve gathered a bunch of credo-like statements made by others. Here’s how to use them as partners to create your own statement:

• Read through a few, or all, of them.
• As you do so, write down phrases that strongly resonate with you. Try keeping your list to 5-8.
• Use that list of what you wrote down to create your own credo statement.
• To put your personal imprint on the list, you can…
  • order the list of statements in a way that reflects your priorities or a personally meaningful flow,
  • leave the wording as you found it and add your own short reflection to each statement,
  • rewrite the statements in language that fits you and speaks to your life,
  • turn the statements into a poem.

Here’s the list of others’ efforts…

• Nine Life Lessons – Tim Minchin
• 42, what feels true – adrienne maree brown
• Excellent Advice for Living – Kevin Kelly
• Eight Secrets – Oliver Burkeman
• Jonah – Rev. Steve Garnaas-Holmes
• The Only Dream Worth Having – Arundhati Roy
• 17 Life-Learnings – Maria Popova
• Three Rules to Live By – Laurie Anderson

Option D

Aging’s Invitation to You

 Aging takes! And takes and takes. Ask most middle-aged and senior folks about the passing of time and this will likely be the most uttered response.

But what if there’s another way to look at it? What if aging isn’t just trying to take something from us, but talk to us?! Or to put it into the language of this month’s theme: what if aging is trying to offer us an invitation?

This is how spiritual teachers of all types approach aging and this is how this exercise encourages you to approach it this month. To help with the exercise, we’ve gathered a bunch of quotes, essays and videos that give voice to a variety of invitations that people have received from their middle and later years. You can find them by clicking on THIS LINK.  Here’s our suggestions for working with them:

• Read through the ones that are relevant to your stage of life.
• Identify the two or three pieces that most resonate with you.
• Based on the pieces you choose, craft two or three statements/sentences of your own that capture the invitations your stage of life is offering you. This is the hard part, so take your time. You will likely end up revising the statements over and over. This is how it should be. The deeper we listen to life/age, the more refined our statements will become.
• Then share your statements with someone close to you. Start by sharing the two or three pieces that gave rise to your statements. Explain why these spoke to you and ask your conversation partner if the pieces speak to them as well. Then share your statements, asking your conversation partner if they agree that these seem like the invitations that fit you.

(The reason this exercise focuses on middle and late stages of life is that those are the two stages that most often get a bad rap. But don’t worry. We’ve got a bunch of stuff planned for you earlier adult folks in upcoming packets!)

Option E

Ask Them About Invitation

One of the best ways to explore our monthly themes is to have conversations about them with people who are close to you. It’s also a great way to deepen our relationships! Below is a list of questions to help you on your way. Be sure to let your conversation partner know in advance that this won’t be a typical conversation. Telling them a bit about Soul Matters will help set the stage.

Come to your group ready to share what surprised you about the conversation(s) and what gift or insight it gave you. As always, keep a lookout for how your inner voice is trying to send you a word of comfort or challenge through these conversions with others.

Invitation Questions:

• What relationship invited you to grow up the most?
• What parts of you have friendships invited to come out into the open?
• What do you wish you had disinvited from your life earlier than you did?
• Have you ever heard a healing invitation arise from illness?
• Have you grown more from what you’ve invited into your life or what you’ve disinvited from your life?
• If you could only invite two new things into your life in the coming year, what would they be?
• What question do you need to invite into your life in order to enter the next phase of your becoming?
• What is the most beautiful invitation you ever received?

Option F

Which Invitation Companion Piece Speaks to You?

Sometimes we come across a quote, song, article or movie and it perfectly captures what’s going on for us right now or allows us to view our current circumstances in a new light.

With this in mind, spend some time this month going through the Companion Pieces section below to find the one piece that speaks most powerfully to you.

As you do so, we encourage you to use the same discernment practice as we do with the packet’s list of questions: Go through them with an eye for the one that “shimmers” the most.

Come to your group ready to share the piece you picked, why it called to you and the journey it took you on.

 Your Question

This list of questions is an aid for deep reflection. How you answer them is often less important than the journey they take you on.

 So, read through the list of questions 2-3 times until one question sticks out for you and captures your attention, or as some faith traditions say, until one of the questions “shimmers.”

 Then reflect on that question using one or all of these questions:

• What is going on in my life right now that makes this question so pronounced for me?
• How might my inner voice be trying to speak to me through it?
• How might Life or my inner voice be trying to offer me a word of comfort or challenge through this question?

 What is the most beautiful invitation you ever received?

1. What relationship invited you to grow up the most?
2. What is regularly on your to do list that was invited there by someone else, not by you?
3. We all inspire and influence people with our way of being in the world. What is your way of being in the world inviting people to do or become?
4. What question do you need to invite into your life in order to enter the next phase of your becoming?
5. How are you being invited to know fear? i.e., to travel with fear, rather than fight to eliminate it from your life?
6. Jungian analyst, James Hollis, writes, “Something within us knows us better than we know ourselves…It speaks by silently withdrawing energy from things that are not for us. It doesn’t care about our comfort; it cares about our growth.” So, how is your inner wisdom withdrawing energy from your life? And how is that withdrawal of energy inviting you to growth?
7. This year, we’re exploring practices that help us embody our new UU core value liberating love.
   Who’s “act of invitation” has taught you the most about what it means to love?
8. Have you grown more from what you’ve invited into your life or what you’ve disinvited from your life?
9.  How has your life partner invited beauty into your life?
10. How has parenting invited you to be more courageous?
11. What have you unwittingly invited into your life in the past year? What snuck in without an invitation?
12. If you could only invite two new things into your life in the coming year, what would they be?
13. How are you being invited to return home?
14. What’s your question? Your question may not be listed above. As always, if the above questions don’t include what life is asking from you, spend the month listening to your days to find it.

Companion Pieces

 Recommended Resources for Personal Exploration & Reflection

 The following resources are not required reading. Nor are they intended to be analyzed in your group. Instead they are here to companion you on your personal journey this month, get you thinking and open you up to new ways of embodying the practice of invitation in your life.

 Definitions

Invitation

1. the act of inviting, such as an offer of hospitality
2. the act of enticing or attracting; allurement
3. a provocation
4. a formal request to be present

Synonyms: encouragement, provocation, temptation, enticement, attraction

Antonyms: denial, refusal, discouragement, repulsion

Wise Words

Come, come, whoever you are,
wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
Ours is no caravan of despair.
Come, yet again come.
Hymn #188

A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal [themselves] to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.
David Whyte

I pray for you, world
to come and find me,
to see me and recognize me
and beckon me out, to call me
even when I lose
the ability to call on
you…
David Whyte

Change is not a threat to your life, but an invitation to live.
Adrienne Rich

We seem to think that beginning is setting out from a lonely point along some line of direction into the unknown. This is not the case. Shelter and energy come alive when a beginning is embraced… We are never as alone in our beginnings as it might seem at the time. A beginning is ultimately an invitation to open toward the gifts and growth that are stored up for us. To refuse to begin can be an act of great self-neglect.
John O’Donohue

Something within us knows us better than we know ourselves. It knows what is right for us. It speaks by silently withdrawing energy from things that are not for us. It doesn’t care about our comfort; it cares about our growth.
James Hollis

Life’s a party. Invite yourself.
Gary Johnson

Carl Jung once said in a BBC interview that he began calling God all those “things which cross my willful path violently and recklessly… and change the course of my life for better or for worse.” The divine is that power which disrupts everything. So, what if our practice were to court a holy disruption? To welcome in everything which challenges my perspective on how the world works, which upsets all the plans I have for myself, and turns them on their heads? What if when life started falling apart, I opened my heart to welcome in the grief and fear that arrived as well and considered them as holy guides… What if all the painful feelings of loss and disorientation were invited in for tea and tenderness? What if everything that turns our preconceived ideas inside out is precisely where we find God?
Christine Valters Paintner

Our lives would be immeasurably enriched if we could but bring the same hospitality in meeting the negative as we bring to the joyful and pleasurable… The negative threatens us so powerfully precisely because it is an invitation to an art of compassion.
John O’Donohue

Ah, Grief, I should not treat you
like a homeless dog
who comes to the back door
for a crust, for a meatless bone.
I should trust you. I should coax you
into the house and give you
your own corner…
Denise Levertov

 We grew up (and still live) in a world that constantly screams at us to seek pleasure… I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that it is worth striving for wisdom or strength of character.
Tristan Tell, on society’s invitations

Sabbath observance invites us to stop… It asks us to notice that while we rest, the world continues without our help.
Wendell Berry

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
Scott Adams

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.
Paul’s letter to the Hebrews

The Arabs used to say,
When a stranger appears at your door,
feed him for three days
before asking who he is,
where he’s come from,
where he’s headed.
That way, he’ll have strength
enough to answer.
Or, by then you’ll be such good friends
you don’t care…
Naomi Shihab Nye

True hospitality is when someone leaves your home feeling better about themselves, not better about you.
Shauna Niequist

If justice is what love looks like in public, then inclusion is what love looks like among groups.
Rev. Dr. Matthew Johnson

On the Invitations of Love!

Love is at the center… like a flame on a chalice, burning brightly, igniting the values that surround it.  The botanical nature of it seems to say that these values are rooted in and grow out of that center of love… They fill the spaces that surround them, and in each case, there is an opening for them to expand beyond their walls.
Rev. Tracy Johnson, on the flower graphic for our new core values centered in liberating love

There is a love that sets us free. Not free as in having the power to do whatever we want, but free as in not weighed down or bound by the patterns of hatred and control that get passed from generation to generation… Free as in knowing without a doubt that we are worthy and that it is ours to invite others into that same wisdom for themselves. Free to imagine a world where children are never in harm’s way…
Rev. Dr. Sofía Betancourt

Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
James Baldwin

Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling; it is a practice.
Eric Fromm

One thing I have observed: When we are engaged in acts of love, we humans are at our best and most resilient. The love in romance that makes us want to be better people, the love of children that makes us change our whole lives to meet their needs, the love of family that makes us drop everything to take care of them, the love of community that makes us work tirelessly with broken hearts.
adrienne maree brown

Videos & Podcasts

Bill Murray on Life’s Invitation to a New Day
https://www.facebook.com/reel/990746565599609

Inviting Fear to Travel with You
Elizabeth Gilbert
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgKhHeiah80
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-Pe0V9M1tw

An invitation from the birds…
Poem by Andrea Gibson
https://www.instagram.com/p/C4GlSpuO2fL/

The invitation of a 3-year-old girl…
Story by Andrea Gibson
https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctpo78GvZg2/

On inviting in our feelings and hearing their invitations
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oFD8gbic6A&t=409s

The Story of The Hunter and the Fox Woman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn2DB11yL5A
On the dangers of what we disinvite from our lives.

Grief as an invitation
Dr. Bayo Akomolafe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcu60pvVs8s

Complicating the Invitation to “Save the Planet”
Dr. Bayo Akomolafe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANfg8xC1sk

On the Life-Giving Questions that Change Invites Us to Ask
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt0arZN6EBM

Music

Each of our theme-based playlists – on Spotify and YouTube – is organized as a journey of sorts, so consider listening from beginning to end and using them as a personal musical meditation.

Click here for the Spotify playlist on The Invitation of a New Day
Click here for the YouTube playlist on The Invitation of a New Day
Click here for the Spotify playlist on The Invitation to Live Love
Click here for the YouTube playlist on The Invitation to Live Love

Books

Hospicing Modernity: Facing Humanity’s Wrongs and the Implications for Social Activism
On inviting the end of modernity’s denials and damage

Trusting Change: Finding Our Way Through Personal and Global Transformation
On inviting change into our lives

Faithful Practice: Everyday Ways to Feed Your Spirit
On inviting spiritual practice into our lives

Movies & TV

The Bear
On the invitation to community and beginning again

Somebody, Somewhere
On the invitation to self-reinvention

 Once
On the invitation to connect and heal

Rectify
On second chances and the invitation to a new day

The Great Disconnect
On the invitation to reconnect

Inside Out 2
On inviting in all of our emotions